june 21, 2024

i haven't written anything here in over six months. dating felt forced and painful for a while. i dated someone briefly in january/february but that ended pretty much as quickly as it began. frankly, i had kind of given up and checked out mentally after that.

i'm dating someone now. our first date was twenty-nine hours - which is insane. but it was so fun. it's still really new and i'm trying not to get over-excited too quickly. but it feels so good and so easy with this one. i don't ever have to overthink anything that i say. i just get to be me all of the time. he never makes me feel like a burden or like i'm "too much". he pushes me out of my comfort zone but also can pick up on when i need to be in that comfort zone. he makes me laugh and he treats me so so well. he calls me almost every night if we aren't together. he takes care of me in all of the ways that i always begged for men to. he makes it clear that he wants me around and i've never had to question that with him. it makes me think of the quote "you weren't asking for too much, you were just asking the wrong person". i believe in that a little more now.

i'm falling hard for this one. i'd be lying if i said i'm not scared. i'm actually terrified because every time i get comfortable with someone, they do a complete 180. a little part of me is holding back because it's still early and i'm afraid it'll end if let myself be "all in". we have another date tonight and i always get so excited to see him. i'm starting to think this is what i've been missing all along, tbh.